PART 2 - The Crucial Phase

11th & 12th- I barely tried to contact her being busy wid “Shaping Future”. But I made a call on her b’day in 11th. When it was answered by her father, I asked him to convey my wishes to M (bravo!!)

After entering BITS…

Dec 24, 2006. 5:25 p.m. – Accompanied by a ‘+1’ friend, I went past her house to have a look at her possibly. Fortunately I happened to meet her right in front of her house. I dint tell her those ‘3 words’ but conveyed 99% of the matter. She responded wid a gentle smile n I returned home on cloud nine.

Jun 1, 2007. 12:30 p.m. – NO GUTS! NO GIRL! Well-supported by a ‘good-old-friend’ I went to M’s house to introduce myself as a friend of her to her parents. I was accompanied by ‘Machine Gun’(a mutual friend), upon my request. I found a propitious omen to say those ‘3 words’ as only M n her sister were there inside the house with the latter sleeping. Elicited by thoughts like “Will I ever get a better chance? Will she be single till then, with 4 guys alrdy behind her??” I said those words, after ‘Machine Gun’ made his way out of room. I showed that “P.” paper while proposing, which she could hardly recognize. I knew she ll be bewildered & it takes time for her to think. So I left as she bent-down her head, quivered n smiled.

July 5, 2007. – Sent a G-card as it’s her b’day. As obvious, she sent it back.

July 9, 2007. 4:10 p.m. - I reached her college n was confronted by the watchman as I tried to enter. I could peep in to notice her ‘Pep+’. Started waiting by the roadside till she came out at 6:25 as heavy rain came along. I had no option but to follow her as she drove her way out in the rain. Being new to the driving I slipped in between, but somehow managed to reach her, only to find that ‘its an orange colored scooty n she isn’t M’. My tears waned by the waters lashed-out as jeers at myself. I returned home n had another go on 11th, for another 2 hrs in vain as she was absent (learnt later).

July 28, 2007. – Met one of her close friends n had a long chat about her. A couple of things that I learnt were that M is very sensitive n there’s one of her college-mate determinedly behind her. I entered the world of orkutting(which I hated the most), knowing that she’s in there. Well! She dint accept my FR as ob.

Dec 24, 2007. – Escaped a narrow accident as a snake passed by our legs while I n my ‘good old friend’ anticipated for M in her street. It had the outcome though as she came out simultaneously wid the snake coming across. I was looking at her wid love n my friend at the snake wid fear.

Jan 2nd, 2008. – I pulled back myself when I saw her while on way to a movie wid friends. I went straight to her, expressed the new year greetings. She said ‘Thank you’ n started moving. I asked her why she is avoiding me, for which she replied ‘Who are you?’ Bemused by that I enquired her name…she said “My name is Sujana”….hahahaha….I said sorry n left wondering whether I see every thin, tall, fair n pretty girl as M???

By February I heard that she is into a relationship wid the hard-fought college-mate. I enquired abt him…learnt he’s gud enough for her…I nevr tried to contact her.

3 things for which this blog is written:
1. To apologize to M if I ever hurt her by my actions. I never got a chance to do that!
2. To thank my ‘good old friend’ n ‘Machine Gun’ for their relentless support.
3. If my story can’t be a lesson for some1 it can atleast lessen the burden of those who feel that they r in dying state…as I’m dead.

2 things for which this is not written:
1. Not to show-off that am a great lover….my love wasn’t just good enough to get the girl!
2. Not for some1’s sympathies either.

Love – a score of zero in the game of tennis/squash. The figure dint change in my life. There were 4 stages of my love – joyful, natural outbreak of heart, doubtful re-examination and finally the culmination. My proposal instead of impressing her, it vilified me. But the intriguing question is “What is the right time to let-out ur feelings to a girl…3rd class? 5th? 10th? 12th?”

Did I ever make a substantial effort to get her? Will distant relationships ever work-out? Will guys like me who barely get an opportunity to speak to their love, stand a chance of getting her? My head tells me no, my heart yes and the war continues.
Whatever be it, VJ lost his latter half. I don’t rue for the immutable past but I just can’t come out of the deep-rooted malaise n paranoia it caused.
“For the memory of love is sweet, though love itself was in vain. And what I have lost of pleasure, assuage what I find of pain” - Lyster

Part 1 - The Beginning

It’s long…coz it’s true! I cudn’t mak it short…as it was my life!

I dint ogle n drool at every chick that passed by. I was different. I made my decision when I noticed dis new-comer in my 3rd class. Let me call her “M”(her pet-name starts wid tat). She came to limelight when a notorious class-mate of mine wrote “M loves Murali” on a piece of paper n made it public, which made her cry. I consoled her posing heroism. Very soon we bcame frnds. Amused n Fancied by her beauty I fell in love wid her. I used to skip playing footer in the mornings, to see n greet dis girl coming thru the gate. The days went on wid my daily prayers for her… a few lines “God! When I grow up let me marry dis girl _______( her full-name). let her not change the school in summer”…very secure, was I?

Our gud frnshp continued in 4th . domain reduced from class-mates to bench-mates. I used to be very mischievous in our dance class, where the teacher has the guys slapped by girls. So a few gud slaps from M evry time. Shame wasn’t a factor then! Once she brought an ‘artificial radium paper’ which she denied giving to any of the fellows but, for me it was different! She herself started forming my name wid the cut-bits of that paper. By the time she wrote “P.” it was bell n hols followed.

5th- The disaster yr. Few ppl frm section A ll be sent to a new section C to accompany the new-comers. As u expect, she was sent to C. I could hav changed my class if not for Murali(apparently my best-friend) who changed from C to A preempt to me. tho lyt liya – socha doori badne se pyaar badjathe!. Spoke to her only 1ce to ask her quarterly marks.

6th – A 30-day practice for sports day wid M standing next to me among 500 >> pandage kada…30 day Christmas…gags, quips, squabbles were all a part of rejuvenation of our friendship. The effect- 61/100 in math annual xam…least ever. Got left & right from mama n papa. I felt bad as I wanted my love to be a motivation. So bcame a bit-more serious wid acads in 7th, which took me to the top n never dropped down. I made a call to her on the day b4 our final common xam n annoyed her for few mins. When we met on the xam day she requested me not to call agn, to which, I obliged.

8th – Not much of interaction wid her. Only satisfaction was that we belonged to the same “Yellow House”, as houses were made permanent.

9th n 10th – Being the school leader, thought I’ve got the best of chances to impress her. Every word of mouth, every action, every innovation was targeted to impress her. I memorized a few telugu poems from the rear-end just to flaunt b4 her in C section, which I successfully did. An incident happened where one of her angry friends asked her to go to VJ(me). To dis she responded "Is VJ trying for me? Do I have that capacity?". I wasn't trying, but dying for her. The lines she wrote about me in my slam – “dedicated, hardworking, determined to do any work, good at presenting urself b4 others”. So thinking that I made into her good books, I just went along to get back at 18.

During SSC I heard that she was troubled nd forced to copy. Dis evoked the pre-existing agitation against mal-practices in me. I dint bother to keep my results at stake as I countered the invigilators questioning their etiquette. It did reduce her trouble. Post board-results I made a cal to her aftr takng her perms to do so thru her frnd…incidentally our totals had the same digits
Let it not be monotonous… ll continue in part-2.