PART 2 - The Crucial Phase

11th & 12th- I barely tried to contact her being busy wid “Shaping Future”. But I made a call on her b’day in 11th. When it was answered by her father, I asked him to convey my wishes to M (bravo!!)

After entering BITS…

Dec 24, 2006. 5:25 p.m. – Accompanied by a ‘+1’ friend, I went past her house to have a look at her possibly. Fortunately I happened to meet her right in front of her house. I dint tell her those ‘3 words’ but conveyed 99% of the matter. She responded wid a gentle smile n I returned home on cloud nine.

Jun 1, 2007. 12:30 p.m. – NO GUTS! NO GIRL! Well-supported by a ‘good-old-friend’ I went to M’s house to introduce myself as a friend of her to her parents. I was accompanied by ‘Machine Gun’(a mutual friend), upon my request. I found a propitious omen to say those ‘3 words’ as only M n her sister were there inside the house with the latter sleeping. Elicited by thoughts like “Will I ever get a better chance? Will she be single till then, with 4 guys alrdy behind her??” I said those words, after ‘Machine Gun’ made his way out of room. I showed that “P.” paper while proposing, which she could hardly recognize. I knew she ll be bewildered & it takes time for her to think. So I left as she bent-down her head, quivered n smiled.

July 5, 2007. – Sent a G-card as it’s her b’day. As obvious, she sent it back.

July 9, 2007. 4:10 p.m. - I reached her college n was confronted by the watchman as I tried to enter. I could peep in to notice her ‘Pep+’. Started waiting by the roadside till she came out at 6:25 as heavy rain came along. I had no option but to follow her as she drove her way out in the rain. Being new to the driving I slipped in between, but somehow managed to reach her, only to find that ‘its an orange colored scooty n she isn’t M’. My tears waned by the waters lashed-out as jeers at myself. I returned home n had another go on 11th, for another 2 hrs in vain as she was absent (learnt later).

July 28, 2007. – Met one of her close friends n had a long chat about her. A couple of things that I learnt were that M is very sensitive n there’s one of her college-mate determinedly behind her. I entered the world of orkutting(which I hated the most), knowing that she’s in there. Well! She dint accept my FR as ob.

Dec 24, 2007. – Escaped a narrow accident as a snake passed by our legs while I n my ‘good old friend’ anticipated for M in her street. It had the outcome though as she came out simultaneously wid the snake coming across. I was looking at her wid love n my friend at the snake wid fear.

Jan 2nd, 2008. – I pulled back myself when I saw her while on way to a movie wid friends. I went straight to her, expressed the new year greetings. She said ‘Thank you’ n started moving. I asked her why she is avoiding me, for which she replied ‘Who are you?’ Bemused by that I enquired her name…she said “My name is Sujana”….hahahaha….I said sorry n left wondering whether I see every thin, tall, fair n pretty girl as M???

By February I heard that she is into a relationship wid the hard-fought college-mate. I enquired abt him…learnt he’s gud enough for her…I nevr tried to contact her.

3 things for which this blog is written:
1. To apologize to M if I ever hurt her by my actions. I never got a chance to do that!
2. To thank my ‘good old friend’ n ‘Machine Gun’ for their relentless support.
3. If my story can’t be a lesson for some1 it can atleast lessen the burden of those who feel that they r in dying state…as I’m dead.

2 things for which this is not written:
1. Not to show-off that am a great lover….my love wasn’t just good enough to get the girl!
2. Not for some1’s sympathies either.

Love – a score of zero in the game of tennis/squash. The figure dint change in my life. There were 4 stages of my love – joyful, natural outbreak of heart, doubtful re-examination and finally the culmination. My proposal instead of impressing her, it vilified me. But the intriguing question is “What is the right time to let-out ur feelings to a girl…3rd class? 5th? 10th? 12th?”

Did I ever make a substantial effort to get her? Will distant relationships ever work-out? Will guys like me who barely get an opportunity to speak to their love, stand a chance of getting her? My head tells me no, my heart yes and the war continues.
Whatever be it, VJ lost his latter half. I don’t rue for the immutable past but I just can’t come out of the deep-rooted malaise n paranoia it caused.
“For the memory of love is sweet, though love itself was in vain. And what I have lost of pleasure, assuage what I find of pain” - Lyster